41 weeks...Hello, Ash Logan

There's a reason you didn't get a weekly update from me last week...I was a little busy last Tuesday. I'll warn you now, this story is LOOONG and detailed and will have some "eww, tmi!" moments, so read on at your own risk.

I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks, and they were gradually getting stronger. We even thought they might be leading to something Sunday evening while I sat around with my parents who had flown in the day before. But Monday morning dawned and they'd died back down, so we went about our business. I felt a little crampy and had a little spotting, which Kari (my doula) said were indications of what was to come, but I knew it could still be days till delivery.

So that night we went to bed, and ... well, I'll leave out a detail or two here ... but shortly after we had laid down to sleep (around 11pm) I started having contractions. These were stronger and more painful than before, so I started timing them. They were every 3 minutes almost on the dot and so painful I got out of bed and went downstairs so my squirming wouldn't keep Josh awake. After almost an hour of timing them and what I thought was probably my water breaking, I texted Kari to let her know and she asked me a bunch of questions and said she'd come over. I came upstairs and sat through a contraction in our bathroom, and Josh heard me groaning and asked if I was ok. I told him Kari was coming, so he got up and dressed and ready for what was to come.

When she arrived shortly after midnight we spent a while downstairs keeping quiet so we wouldn't wake my sleeping parents. Then we moved up to the bedroom and labored for the rest of the night there. We tried a variety of positions - lying, sitting on the toilet, standing, showering...anything to try to be "comfortable". Kari encouraged me to try to eat, so I downed a handful of blueberries, but couldn't stomach anything else. As we reached the wee hours, I started falling asleep on my feet, so Kari had me and Josh lay down (i chose the floor b/c the bed was too soft) and she sat by me and encouraged me to rest/sleep between contractions. I had a brief, God-given lull of a few "gentle" ones in a row and so we all dozed off for 15 min or so. As the morning dawned, we moved back downstairs. Then my water broke in earnest and there was blood (normal) and a little bit of meconium (cause for mild concern), so Kari suggested we get ready to head to the hospital. Josh woke my parents to let them know and gathered last minute things, and out we went. I had become so dependent on Kari to get through contractions I begged her to come with us in our car. We got to the hospital and she came back with me while they checked my vitals and my cervix and propped me, and moved me to L&D where Josh joined us.

This portion of the morning is a little hazy b/c I was so exhausted, but I remember snippets like meeting my sweet nurse (Jessie). My parents arrived and shortly after my mom asked if she could come in. I said I didn't know, b/c at that point I just couldn't form an opinion about anything beyond what I was experiencing directly. She came and sat in a chair in the corner and I'm so glad she did. Eventually she was called over to help with something and became an integral part of my support team.

We tried a variety of positions in the hospital bed as well, some of which were more comfortable than others, but really nothing is comfortable when you're 12 hrs into labor. Around 11am I started to feel the urge to push. At first I was pushing weakly, and Kari helped me to figure out how to focus the pushes. A lot of the pushing I did was in the traditional position with Jessie holding my left leg up, Kari holding my right leg up, mom at my left shoulder and Josh my right helping me get into a semi-sitting position when the contraction built to peak pushing time. Through this time I was in a haze, Josh was lying his exhausted head down to rest between contractions, and I could only muster one-word sentences at most. I remember singing worship songs once when I felt so overwhelmed I didn't think I could go on, and I remember being frustrated with Ash for not being out yet. I also remember them laughing at me b/c I kept thanking everyone for everything, but I knew even in the midst of it that I needed every bit of help they were giving. Then Jessie had to grab her lunch, so Nurse Betty stepped into her spot. She was a sweet but strong older woman who came in and started being a coach (like in sports) - ok, push! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, deep breath, push! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, deep breath, push! 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. At first I thought I might kill her, but after she left I realized that I needed that kind of coaching to muster my strength at this point and asked Kari to be "bossy like nurse Betty". It became even more exhausting when the nausea kicked in and I started puking water and blueberry skins with each push. After much pushing in this position or slightly side lying variations, we decided to try all fours to see if we could get his head past my pelvic bone. Once I finished clearing all the puke from my gut, it was a "comfortable" position and it  worked to get him farther down. As I knelt and pushed, they came in and said I'd been pushing too long and when the Dr came in half an hour he'd want to start talking forceps or vacuum assistance. The thought of having to make that decision overwhelmed me and when we rolled back over, my urgent need to get Ash out before the Dr came and the progress we'd made on hands and knees came together to get him where he needed to be.

When the Dr arrived he started trying to stretch me as the baby crowned (i wanted to kill him it hurt so bad), but it became obvious that I was going to tear no matter what, and the tearing was likely to go frontward in a painful way. When Kari supported dr's decision to do an episiotomy, I agreed readily and glad I did when Kari explained later what she saw from her angle and how things would have gone. While contractions had been painful and exhausting, nothing matched the excruciating pain of crowning, and I distinctly remember his ears coming through. My dad remembers hearing lots of screaming from the hall, and I know I was but couldn't help it. Finally they told me I could wait for the next contraction or just muster another push or two on my own and he'd be here, so of course I pushed. Soon I heard the blessed words, "wait, we're at his shoulders" and "ok, one more push, no not that strong, and he's out". They laid him on me purple-grey, severely cone-headed and covered in blood and goo, and all I could feel was relief that it was over.

They took him from me after a few minutes to suction the meconium out of his stomach and weigh and measure him - 7 lbs 8 oz (before they removed a bunch of meconium and fluid from his stomach) and 19". We marveled at Ash's timing - born at 3:16 in room 316. The next couple hours we spent in L&D recovering and passing him around and Josh and I finally ate for the first time in 24 hrs. Daddy and Lindsey and Elijah finally came in from the hall. I was amazed at Elijah's concern for Aunt Nelly - you okay, Nelly? Finally they took us to the nursery for his first bath and vital checks and vitK shot. Then off to post-partum where we would stay the night. My parents stayed with me so that Josh could go home and sleep, then he returned in the morning so they could go home and nap. Then at around 4 pm on the 18th (24 hrs after delivery) we discharged and came home with our bundle of joy.

The week since he came has been a busy one, but that story will wait for another day as being a "dairy farm" is a demanding job and it's time for me to shower and get back to work. :)